That sudden rain in that deep dusk shattered her beautiful thoughts. As the rain drops rushed down and plopping the earth, her thoughts too travelled down to the earth from heaven and her beautiful world was scattered. But she liked that feel, she liked herself standing by the window & thinking about him, who stole her heart this day……
That morning….
“See you in the next class students…thank you”
As the teacher walked out of the classroom, all the students who have been droopy of the boring lecture, stabbed their heads on the benches. Minutes passing, one by one all of them began to open their lunch boxes to feed their empty stomachs. Lunch break, a period of an hour is the only time in which they can be humans who can eat, drink, laugh and talk to each other. Remaining whole day, they must work like robots which were surrogated by teachers.
As she was busy in spooning her food, she sensed someone in front of her. Slowly lifting her head, she found her classmate Vamsi there. Frightened & frowned by his sudden presence, she made a question in herself and asked with her eyes. Vamsi was standing there & smiling with a folded paper and a rose in hand. He started,
“Sunita…this is for you…just take your own time and don’t get angry ok??…..waiting for your answer….”
He dispersed from there within a blink.
Sunita sitting there, still that spoon in her mouth, shocked… and don’t know what had happened just now…..he proposed her & went away in rush…that moment almost skipped her out of the planet…she in her uttermost and hundredth power of ambiguity. Right now her heart is pounding like a speed train. Thereafter, not a single word by professors was heard by her but only one…its Vamsi… but he’s not in the class, he bunked and he always do that. Its evening and she’s on her way to home. As downed the college bus and walking on that silent road to home, she’s carrying a battle ground in her heart. A war is happening in her, a war between yes and no.
These things never happened in her life before…..these things like proposals, decisions, love and its starters. To her, love is different. It’s strange, strange like aliens world but beautiful like their magical powers. It’s dangerous like nuclear explosion but pretty like that mushroom cloud after math. And finally, it’s frightening like Halloween but exciting like its screenplay. And now, all she can do is saying a yes or no, that’s it.
A girl’s decision about boys is quite perfect and highly exceptional like Galileo’s analysis for the required star and like ovum’s hiring of the perfect sperm.
In that cloudy evening, as she was standing nearby the window with wet hair down to chest from back over shoulders in a giant tangle, a sudden thought came to her mind…..”What’s in that letter???”
Ran to her room, locked the door from inside and she rushed to her bag for that letter. Firstly, she found the rose he gave, a red one. She smiled at that flower and slowly lifted it up to her nose…that sweet celestial smell raised blood tinges in her vessels like a suck of lemonade through a plastic straw……and in a moment, she’s in her study chair with letter in hand and opened it with burning curiosity….
Girl….
Your smile is my suffocation
Like life in Hitler’s gas chamber
But that’s my energy too
Like Popeye’s green spinach….
Girl….
Come into me, be with me.
Like sodium and water,
You and I will have a blast & bright life…
And girl finally….
…..you must be that rain, which makes my life a green harvest.
PS: if that heart is clouded, rain must come in green dress tomorrow.
Reading that lines, she evinced a smile of like towards that letter and towards that naughty metamorphic head, who wrote this lines…and after completed, she slowly hugging the letter to her cloudy heart and stopped when her mother called……
Had the longest supper in her life, in which her fingers did salsa with that colored rice, and now she’s again standing by the window in that deepening twilight. She started thinking about him. His face, his mischievous things, his funky bag, his straight hair, his letter, his words, his smile and that sudden rain ruined her every single thought.
With a cute & a new smile, she reached her wardrobe to check the green dress and dispersed to sleep with smile…
Morning…….
It’s not her usual morning, not a meditation start, not a study of an hour, not a long prayer and not a slow breakfast…its just rush. Right from her first blink of the day to her mom’s good-bye, she rushed out of home with an urge, unlike her exam days and seminar classes; it’s a different one…a new urge for a new season, in which every fruit ripe and every heart weeps with joy, its love.
No mugging in college bus, not her iPod’s company nor her classmate’s chat…..its just her, sitting by the window, with that last night smile still on her face which is glowing like Cinderella’s white gown.
Bus reached the college and she rushed down to her classroom to meet Vamsi…but he’s not there.
“Okay, It’s him, not me” she smiled on his late coming.
He comes late every day. In between classes, opening the screechy door and entering with a naughty smile……but today…he’s too late. The first period is going on and he’s still not here…second, third and its lunch break…she didn’t had the lunch…actually she had lost the bloody appetite. In just a couple of hours span, she faced clear vision of dichotomy between bliss and sorrow. Its just morning to afternoon, where her every thought of happiness and eagerness disappeared and replaced with disappointment and sorrow, because of his absence.
Don’t know why but after sometime, every part of that girl is in anonymous rage & burning desperation on Vamsi. But she doesn’t know that, desperation and urge in something like love may be harm. Of course she too a human being.
Tired of being excited and tired of being awaited, she kept quite all the evening didn’t had supper that night and went to bed so early.
Next day, again same things happened, but a less excitement than before and less eagerness. Settling in her place in the classroom, she sticks her looks at the door itself. Its 9.30, starting of the 1st period and he’s still not here….10, 11, 12.30 & its 1pm. As the time is increasing, rage and anger in her too increased.
“What happened to me…..why I am dying like this…..I hate being desperate…..get me out of this…please…please god…make me strong”,
Unlike her regular long prayers, its just a whisper to the god but with a strong desire like thick fog. She wondered how drastically her routine had changed in these two days.
Reaching home, she directly went to her room & collapsed on bed.
‘I am not feeling hungry ma….’
It’s her straight & unusual answer which made her mom wonder when she called for dinner. Instead of her bath and snack, she’s on her bed silent. Instead of her study time, she’s on her bed silent. Its late night and she still laid on her bed, crushing the pillow in between neck and chin with dried path of tears on cheeks and closed eyes sleeping somewhere in deep.
“Burning desperation never ends; it may hide in but relapse with more fire than before”
Next day……
It’s weekend. She likes Saturdays usually. Waking up with her mom’s slow calls, head bath start, scented fumes all over the room and a perfect dish to break the fast. But this Saturday is different, rather empty. She woke up so late and that too with her mom’s loud scolds. Even that scented fumes doesn’t make any change in her yesternight’s mood. Clipped her wet hair and she’s out, leaving the perfect dish back on the table.
Clouds are ruling the sky as thoughts in her mind do. Hardly tried to listen the classes but dominance is dominance everywhere. Even in her heart or in classroom.
Evening…..
A perfect synchronization with her mood, her mind and her walk. Dark clouds made the whole day dim and flagging their victory over sun. She was walking in the campus to the buses. A slow walk, head downed and her eyes reading her steps.
A sudden thunder made her head lift and, and her heart throbbed by seeing Vamsi there. It’s him; it’s him standing under the tree and looking at her. Desperation relapsed in her which then turned into fury and made her walk in rage to him. In seconds, that distance of fifty feet between them turned into ten and two now.
Vamsi stepped forward to say something, ‘sunit….’ a big slap. He was standing there, with his palm on the left cheek and eyes with shock. Roaring thunders and lightning clouds joined them. Sunita, looking at him, with tears rolling down the cheeks. It’s neither a question nor a grill. It’s just a conclusion.
No matter what is the reason of him but she just wanted to tell rather shout or better slap her answer. So she chose the latter and vamsi, standing there still palm on cheek and unaware of the rain felled in him. Rain poured down and bottom-lined the situation.
In every single life, a rain must come in which their heart should drown, that’s love rain
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